the guru had not expected the world to actually end, and so he had no answer to this. he stammered something about #zen and shrugged, which was not encouraging, so they screamed louder and ran around in panic.
but then, high in the sky, a heavenly light appeared.
from the light came the Goddess, resplendent in all her glory, and she spoke, and her voice was heard across the village: “i have decided to intervene in this totally natural disaster and save the world. but just to clarify, my decision had absolutely nothing to do with the guru. so if you want to reward me, visit my temple and pray, not the guru’s school.”