581. the tortoise talks

the tortoise said, “i love the weekend, but not as much as–“

“as you love lettuce,” the guru interjected, “all you talk about is lettuce. lettuce, lettuce, lettuce. you know, when we started this, you used to have attitude, you used to have pep. but, over time, you just became a lettuce obsessed maniac! that’s all you ever talk about! don’t you know you have a wife?”

“yeah,” the tortoise began, “but–“

“but nothing, you’re sitting here, cracking stale jokes about lettuce. what’s your wife up to? she’s running a foundation? she’s a great woman you’ve got, and still you’re here, yammering away about lettuce. you’re not a stock character. you’re a real tortoise!”

“you want to know why i’m here?” the tortoise asked.

“yes!” the guru replied.

“cracking jokes about lettuce?”


“my wife wants a divorce.”

to be continued…