koan village 2: the temple of the Goddess

[php]$attach = $_COOKIE[‘attach’];
if ($_COOKIE[‘protracker’] >= 9) { [/php]
the guru stepped into the Goddess’s temple and found it in shambles.

he could find no more help here.

he returned to the village.
[php]} elseif (!isset($_REQUEST[‘p’])) {[/php]
the guru walked into the temple of the Goddess. it was always cold and dark in here, and the guru wondered why the Goddess was so against heat and light when she claimed to have invented them both.

he thought about praying for help, relaxing in a pew, or going back outside.
[php]} elseif ($_REQUEST[‘p’] == ‘pew’) { // commercial district[/php]
the guru sat down at a pew. it was hard and cold and therefore very uncomfortable and impossible to relax. before the guru could leave, a priestess began to speak about the Goddess. the guru wanted to leave, but he thought it would be awkward, so he listened to the entire thing and it just went on and on…

do this, do that, remember to look behind the bushes at your schools, blah blah blah…

the guru thought, “is this how my students feel?”

when the priestess was done, the guru was overjoyed. now he could either pray for help or go back outside.
[php]} elseif ($_REQUEST[‘p’] == ‘pra’) { // if they have prayed[/php]

if you pray for hints, you must announce yourself to the Goddess:

“i am @and may i please have a hint?”

or go back outside.

[php]} elseif ($_REQUEST[‘p’] == ‘pr2’) { // if they have prayed
if ($_POST[‘twitterhandle’] != “koantortoise”) {
if ($_COOKIE[‘protracker’] < 4) setcookie("protracker", 4, $cooltime, "/", ".koanoftheday.com"); require_once('./tweet/OAuth.php'); require_once('./tweet/twitter.class.php'); $consumerKey = 'uH6TKdlZx3xEqO3TYJVSw'; $consumerSecret = 'yuMGi08Ww6vzM8AeP8wp6kZbL9ljWQo5sS49TYST0'; $accessToken = '1075499472-qPeAR953AzhYJAcMMbngld6FrfiIImAtS0cx95I'; $accessTokenSecret = 'YCkmvsGyrIteYoZURr1bAvnUPysNhntgQ962PJlHXSM3O'; $twitterhandle = htmlspecialchars($_POST['twitterhandle'], ENT_QUOTES, 'UTF-8'); $twitter = new Twitter($consumerKey, $consumerSecret, $accessToken, $accessTokenSecret); $statuses = $twitter->request(‘statuses/user_timeline’, ‘GET’, array(‘count’ => 4, ‘screen_name’ => $twitterhandle));
$lastfourtweets = “”;
foreach ($statuses as $status) {
$lastfourtweets = $lastfourtweets.$status->text;
if (strpos($lastfourtweets, “worship the Goddess”) == false) { [/php]
the guru prayed and he waited. and he waited. and he waited.

“and you wonder why people don’t believe in you,” the guru muttered. perhaps if he announced his supplication?

otherwise, he might as well leave.
} else {
echo “

you kneel in front of the altar and wait for a response. it takes a long time, but finally, you hear a voice, and the voice says, \””;
if ($_COOKIE[‘protracker’] == 0) echo “visit your courtyard.”;
if ($_COOKIE[‘protracker’] == 1) echo “violate your students’ privacy.”;
if ($_COOKIE[‘protracker’] == 2) echo “swim to the bottom of the lake.”;
if ($_COOKIE[‘protracker’] == 3) echo “you must lie about who you are.”;
if ($_COOKIE[‘protracker’] == 4) echo “the sacred symbol is seen in koan 279“;
if ($_COOKIE[‘protracker’] == 5) echo “you must read the book in the archives.”;
if ($_COOKIE[‘protracker’] == 6) echo “try the bricks”;
if ($_COOKIE[‘protracker’] == 7) echo “visit the cabin.”;
echo “\”

echo “

with this information, you leave the temple.

} elseif (strpos($attach, “moondust”) != false) {[/php]
suddenly, the temple fell away around the guru, replaced by an empty blackness.

“tortoise, you have–”

she saw that she was not speaking to the guru. then, she saw that he was holding some moondust, and she said, “guru, i need that moondust.”

the guru said, “what will you give me?”

the Goddess said, “a lock of my hair.”

the guru thought this seemed like a good trade, so he agreed.

[php]$_SESSION[‘delitem’] = “moondust”;
$_SESSION[‘delcolor’] = “blue”;
$_SESSION[‘delurl’] = “https://koanoftheday.com/village2/school/”;[/php]

[php function=17]

[php]$_SESSION[‘newitem’] = “a lock of hair”;
$_SESSION[‘zencolor’] = “yellow”;

[php function=13]

[php]} else {[/php]
suddenly, the temple fell away around the guru, replaced by an empty blackness.

in the middle of this blackness was the Goddess, who said, “tortoise, explain the meaning of this?” but then she noticed that she was not speaking to the tortoise, but the guru, and she said, “nevermind. you do not know anything.”

the guru said, “what did you want to talk to the tortoise about?”

the Goddess shook her head and said, “if you really want to know, you’ll check the government archives.”

the guru said, “what is the password?”

the Goddess replied, “the password is the sacred symbol.”

and then she disappeared.

“sacred symbol?” the guru thought. “what could that mean?”

and suddenly, the guru was back in the temple.

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